Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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