We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
