this just has baby written all over it
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
