i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
