I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
