I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
