me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
