I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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