the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize