the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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