He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
