i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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