i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
