ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
