I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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