There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
