Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
