New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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