So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
