ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
