i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
