You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
