Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
