Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
