Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
