there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
