So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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