new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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