so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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