U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
