So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
