so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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