hotel room ftw
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
