I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
