why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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