i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
