The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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