No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
