Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
