just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
