my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
