connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
either way he was missing a nipple.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
