I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I cannot find my penis.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There r osticjed everywhere
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
