i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
