some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
as a side note pls kill me
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
