Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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