be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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