i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My vagina just recognized that song.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
