It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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