Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
