But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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