just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Pants are for mortals
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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