it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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