My balls are so social today.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
