I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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