Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I could fuck to npr.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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