just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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