he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
