I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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