Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The air taste purple.
Randomize
