I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
