my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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