would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
