so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
