Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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