I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
