You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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