i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
