You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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