You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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